How did I get to this point in my life?
A month ago, I ended up in A&E – I needed help. In the months leading to this, I just felt depleted of energy, foggy brain, no passion for my work. I would break down if anybody asked me if I was ok and would get easily agitated and argumentative with my wife, feeling stuck and being unkind. I struggled trusting friends and family, so I isolated myself emotionally. I didn’t recognise myself or even know who I was anymore.
My wife has always supported me and was also going through a lot, and apart from help for me, I wanted her also to have support because I had nothing to give. We sat holding hands in the waiting room and thoughts running around my mind as I looked at those with physical injuries, and remembered thinking “Do I need help? Am I making things up in my head?”.
I had to distract my mind by focusing on my breathing so I wouldn’t break down or have an anxiety attack. After having a consultation, I was advised that a Mental Health Team had been assigned to visit me at home daily. I had a psychiatric evaluation and was put on medication. I was given a daily plan and had tasks to complete to allow me to rebuild my confidence and lead me away from plummeting further down into depression. I was put on a plan of wholesome food, exercise, light social events, reduced time on technology, breathing exercises etc. All these things I know about, but I was so mentally tired and low, that I needed support and accountability to help me move forward.
In this time I and my wife started to encourage each other more daily with prayer, scripture and if we did watch TV, it would be something that we would gain energy from. We sat and watched this sermon from “The Porch” ministry in America. Jennie Allen was a guest speaker and wrote a book 2 months before the first lockdown called “Get out of your head”. It spoke of mental health and the battles that are on auto-play in our heads which steers our daily decisions and actions. My toxic thinking has imprisoned me most of my life and kept me captive to my unhealthy habits and addictions. I am slowly healing and really putting daily action in as to how I think and talk to myself; to speak out and trust the truth in God’s word, and to call out the lies that may cross my path. This BLOG has been the hardest to write so far as I’m still feeling raw and vulnerable. But it’s a conversation that needs to be had, so we are aware of our thinking and fight together the lies that are saying “You’re alone (helpless), you have no worth, you’re not loved”
… to be continued
This month is about training your Brain.
“Get out of your Head” Jennie Allen:
Keep the Faith, Coach Spencer …