Well, it’s that time of lent when I delve deeper within myself and ask, what are those things that prevent me from growing as a human being, living life with Hope and freedom? But most importantly what stops me building a closer relationship with the one myself and my son Michael call “Pappa Heaven” ?
Since I said yes to walking with Jesus about 11 years ago it has been a challenge to connect with the father figure as my dad was not reliable. He never showed me any life skills such as communication, selflessness, and commitment. It sounds that my Dad was a failure at being a parent. Even though those things affected me then and still sometimes now, I knew one thing … He loved me very much and was so proud of me.
“It’s not so much of giving up but letting go!”
Sadly, my dad passed away 22 years ago, and I say this with a lump in my throat and leaking eyes. I do not blame him for how he parented me. I know he could only show the things that he knew how to share. My Dad (Mick or Michael) and Mom were very young when they got married and swiftly had 4 kids thereafter. What I’m trying to say is, through counselling sessions and my faith foundation that has grown in the last 11 years, I have faced up to the painful memories of loneliness and rejection. I have replaced that with forgiveness, and focused on the most important commandment “Love”. Reflecting on the past, I do now respect my dad and able to see the positive things about him. His love for people, his passion to build others up, the encouragement he gave to others no matter what culture, gender, education, opinions, etc. I could have spent my whole life in self-pity about his death and what I did not get from him, but that is an emotional, mental, and physical burden I have chosen not to carry.
Being a man, it takes courage to understand the different types of love and not just focus on Love = Sex. This is the person I was when I had long relationships in my teenage years losing my virginity at a young age of 14, and when I travelled the world as an adult I became more of a hunter of physical intimacy and drifted away from what is wholesome and the true meaning of the “L” word.
… to be continued.
Every month for 2021 I will share my confessions, and share a WOD Workout (Workout of the Day) on my YouTube Channel.
“GOLIATH WOD Workout”
Keep the Faith, Coach Spencer …
Image Credit: Oleg Laptev