(Re-read, Code Ode; Prat and Pride Part 1, Prat.)
(Read Luke Ch 15, v 24-32)
Recite this, out loud, walking along, to the rhythm of your footsteps. Best by far in a Ray Winstone / Bob Hoskins accent. (If you are reading this on your phone, turn it on its side).
So there’s cat’rers – a mobile disco.
They’re largin’ it well hard.
Next thing that we get is,
Oh no, it’s only Big Bro,
Parked up in the yard,
Face like a dead lettuce.
A bloke there’s hangin’ about.
Oldest gives him a shout.
“What’s the blimmin’ row?
What’s happenin’ in the ‘owse?
What’s this going off in
There – they tell me nuffin’. “
“Yeah guess what?” He says.
“Your brother’s back here safe and sound.
We’re partyin’ – innit.
Your dad he’s pushed the boat out,
Got cat’rers – a disco round.
Come on – join in it!”
But the oldest goes bananas.
Has a tantrum in the car.
Says “That’s beyond the limit
The party – you can bin it.
No way I’m joinin’ in it
Dad’s gone a step too far”.
They fetch the old man out.
Says “What’s this all about?
Get out the car and come in, son.
For Pete’s sake give us a grin, son.”
But he doesn’t wanna play.
He’s got to have his say.
“I’ve had the best intentions,
Stayed and slaved here all these years.
Not carted off – not me.
You’ve never even mentioned
Having my mates round for beers
And you doing it for free!
Now this prat of a son of yours
Takes what you’ve built over a lifetime,
Says ‘Thanks I’ll have a nice time’;
Blows the lot on slags n’ whores.
He comes crawling back to you,
Broke – with his cap in hand.
What do you go and do?
Hire cat’rers, – a flippin’ band!”
“My son, just keep your wool on.
No need to be so full on.
Come on now, shake my hand.
Together we’ll always stand.
(It’s a disco s’not even a band).
Come on now, say no more.
Everything that’s mine is yours,
But we had to paint the town red.
He’s back alive – it’s like he was dead.
We had to have folks round.
He was lost and now he’s found”.
Then my mate Josh piped up,
“God’s like that geezer – with his sons.”
I said, “You’re getting all hyped up.
I think you’re having me on.”
He said, “No – not nearly – really.
Open your eyes – you’ll see it clearly.
And now I think it’s your round!”