Just Say No

Sometimes in life we need to face up to the reality of what is happening in our current situations and admit to some hard truths. Once we admit these hard truths to ourselves we can start to share and if appropriate seek help and support from our brothers in Christ.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. As I look through my diary at the month of November I realise that I have filled it to the brim with meetings and speaking engagements. It is so full that there is not one weekend that I am home with my family breaking all the pre set rules my wife and I put in place. For those that know me you will realise how much I value time with my wife and daughter, family time is very important to me.

The question is why have I allowed this happen? The main reason is because I couldn’t say no! However when I dig into that a little deeper and be really honest I realise that when I admit it, I’m broken. I am emotionally broken.

What I mean by that is I struggle with insecurity. I have for as long as I can remember. Am I good enough? Am I liked enough? Am I valuable enough?

What happens when you struggle with insecurity, you actually become a classic people pleaser. You want to please people because when you please people, when you say yes to them, they validate you and all of a sudden you feel a little bit more secure about yourself.

Because of my brokenness, because of my emotional insecurity, what happens in the DNA of who I am…I like to save the day. I like to be the hero. I like to be wanted. I just don’t like to admit it, to me or to you.

Here’s what happens. When I admit my brokenness what I do is I find it deep within who I am. Then I bring it out into the open and it’s okay. Stephen McGuire struggles with insecurity. Here it is.

Now it’s out in the open I can align it to what I value and choose to either make my decision based on my values or my brokenness. This makes decision making a lot easier. As opposed to saying yes to everything I begin to think, the only reason I’m saying yes to that is because I’m broken. But this is what I really value so I can make the correct decision to support what I really value.

When I look at my life… When I say, ‘I’m stressed, I’m out of control, and I’m overwhelmed’ When I pause and my wife and I talk about it, it always points back to there were too many unneeded yeses. I said yes to too many things. So you’ve got to slow down and dig deep to find out why you’re saying yes.

When we look at Jesus and his time on earth we realise that he didn’t say yes to everything. He didn’t heal everyone. He walked through communities and left needs there. It’s okay to say no, especially if you are saying yes for all the wrong reasons as I was.

Now that I am brave enough to admit the reasons behind my too many yeses it’s much easier to deal with the issue and not allow it to happen again. I can share with brothers and they can not only pray but also keep me accountable in the future.

So I finish with two questions, what hard truth do you need to face up to and share? And what do you need to say no to?

It’s okay to say no.

Image credit: Photo by Henry Burrows / CC BY 2.0