Slingfire An Epic Rap (Ep 1)

The story of Dave and the story of Saul Of the Holy Man Sam and Big Bad Gol.

Episode 1

This story is true, the events I relate,
Four thousand years ago, approximate date.
The Lord, the Creator of the universe,
Chose Him a people, for better or worse.

You listen up good or there’s sumpn’ you’ll miss–
That was in brief the Book a’Genesis.
They was a nation a’ slaves at the end a’ the line
So He saved ‘em all and moved ‘em out to, Palestine.

‘Case you didn’t notice, that was a summary
Of Exodus, Leviticus an’ Dooooteronomy.
One half of The Bible is full a’ their fights
And the name of the outfit was the–Israelites.

01-samuelThey had a few hundred years without no king
(They was Republicans or Democrats or some such thing)
That’s Ruth, Judges, Numbers an’ Joshua as well
So I guess that takes us to the prophet Sam-u-el
An’ I tell you man, it ain’t no scam,
What I like to call ‘im is the holy man Sam.

Now the Israelites noticed each neighbourin’ nation
Had their own king they gave total admiration.
So the people they said. ‘It’s very plain to see
What we gotta be, Lord, is a monarchy!’

But The Lord He said to His holy man Sam
‘‘If I give ‘em a king, he’ll put ‘em straight in a jam.
Before you know, they’ll be back in my face–
‘Lord—we’re between a rock and a hard place!’ ”

But the nation insisted it wanted a king
I s’pose it must have been a cultural thing.
So The Lord he gave ‘em their first king, Saul—
Attributes for the job? Well—he was tall.

(I s’pose that must have been a cultural thing– as well.)

Now as Saul was commencin’ the role of a Royal
For the Israelite nation things was startin’ to boil.
For background information I’ll supply you next
With the underlyin’, local, military, context:–

The Israelites lived inland in the hills.
And down by the sea were some punks—called The Phils.

(Phllistines, to give ‘em their full name, that is. To this day it’s become a cultural thing—they call you a Phillistine if you don’t got no culture.)

The Phillies was always on the Israelites’ back
And the Israelis didn’t cut the Philistines no slack.

Event’yally Saul, in the course a’ bein’ king
Turned away from The Lord and he did his own thing.
‘Stead of puttin’ himself under the Lord’s dominion—
Took too much notice of public opinion.

Read 1 Samuel Ch. 16 v. 1-13.

So The Lord he said to His holy man Sam,
‘Give Saul the bad news, he’s no longer my man.’
(Sam was sad—he kinda liked Saul, I ‘spose).
So The Lord He said, ‘Sam, stop your bleetin’.
Git to Bethlehem an’organise a new meetin’. ‘

‘You gotta find a dude, his name’s Jesse’,
(Sam’s about to indulge in some aromatherapy.
With oil an’ such).
‘No Saul’s no good, just let him be.
One a’ Jesse’s boys is the man for me.’

“So load up the oil and be on your way.
If you’re scared of Saul, this is what you say.
‘Hi, Jesse mah bro, we’re all gonna pray,
So git yo’ boys an’ meet me today.’
And the people won’t know, they’ll just be sayin’,
‘It’s ol’ Sam agin’ for some mo’ prayin.’”

‘He’s got eight boys an’ they’ll all come along.
Take your cue from Me an’ you won’t go wrong.


I’m gonna point him out—the one I wannabee king.
You pour the oil on his head’—(it’s a cultural thing.)

So Sam stands there an’ they all file by:
The first, Eliab, a real hunk of a guy.
Sam says to himself, ‘Man what a bruiser!
Must be the dude, he cain’t be a loser!’
But The Lord says to Sam, ‘Now don’t you start.
I don’t look at the pecs—I go straight to the heart!’
(He don’t look at the pecs, He goes straight to the heart).

Then Am-in-a-dab, he comes along.
‘OK?’ says Sam. The Lord says—‘wrong!’
Yeah, they all went by—and out the door.
‘Nice boys,’ says Sam. ‘You got anymore?’ ‘
Well, there’s only Dave; he’s just the baby—
In charge a’ the sheep.’ So Sam thinks, ‘maybe.’

But it’s one tough job, on your own out there.
In charge a’ them sheep, in the dark night air.
Just you and The Lord and the moon’s cold stare,
As you face a lion and you face a bear
And you fight for them stupid sheep out there.

Yeah the Lord knew Dave, He was with him there
As he fought the lion and he fought the bear.
So The Lord said ‘Sam, this one’s the flyer.
His heart’s like mine, he’ll go to the wire.
So Sam poured oil, but The Lord poured FIRE
And filled Dave’s heart with His heart’s desire.

So The Lord chose Dave as the Anointed One
But he kept him in the wings till his time had come.