{"id":8006,"date":"2019-05-14T06:35:26","date_gmt":"2019-05-14T06:35:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/?p=8006"},"modified":"2019-05-14T14:37:18","modified_gmt":"2019-05-14T14:37:18","slug":"lets-talk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/thoughts-from-the-cvm-team\/lets-talk\/","title":{"rendered":"Men and Mental Health \u2013 Let\u2019s Talk (Pt 1\/2)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>As I write some reflections about \u201c<em>Men and Mental Health<\/em>\u201d, please note that I have added the caveat of \u201cLet\u2019s Talk\u201d. It\u2019s vitally important that the title is read in its entirety.<\/p>\n<p>Now before you get stuck in to the \u2018meaty stuff\u2019 about a really complex subject, I feel that I must add the disclaimer that I\u2019m not coming at this subject from the angle of being an academic exponent in this field.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s true that I have studied this subject; men and mental health is very close to my heart, and whilst I have attained a couple of qualifications in the field, I\u2019m no Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Psychotherapist or indeed anything else beginning with \u201cPsych\u201d\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n<p>However, I feel that I am well qualified to have an opinion and I will be coming from the angle of being a survivor of a serious mental health issue myself, which almost resulted in me taking my own life back in 1996.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s quite ironic that I will be using some alarming statistics which have been provided by the \u201cCampaign Against Living Miserably\u201d or \u201cCALM\u201d because, in truth, they are quite depressing. However, I make no apologies for that!<\/p>\n<p><strong>But I am living proof that there is hope!!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Mental health and the mental well-being of us as men, is critically important, and I can confidently declare that at least 50% of us, probably more, have suffered or currently are suffering right now with some form of mental health issue. It could be depression (like me), anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or whatever other label the professionals will come up with when all is not \u2018right\u2019.<\/p>\n<p>23 years ago \u2018deep down\u2019 I knew that all was not right within me, but I didn\u2019t think for one minute that I was suffering from some sort of mental health issue.<\/p>\n<p>Please note that I never said, \u201cmental health problem\u201d, because certainly in my case, my \u201cproblem\u201d or rather more specifically, \u201cproblems\u201d were definitely the product of a \u2018mental health issue\u2019.<\/p>\n<p>So, I\u2019m going to \u2018hit you\u2019 with some startling statistics;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>In 2014, 4623 men took their own lives!<\/li>\n<li>That\u2019s 12 men every single day!<\/li>\n<li>That\u2019s one man every 2 hours!<\/li>\n<li>76% of all UK suicides were men.<br \/>\nOnly 20% of people in the UK know that suicide is the biggest cause of death for a man aged 45.<\/li>\n<li>42% of UK men aged 18 to 45 have considered suicide.<\/li>\n<li>41% of men who have contemplated suicide felt that they couldn\u2019t talk about their feelings.<\/li>\n<li>Of those men who contemplated suicide, 32% \u2018didn\u2019t want people to worry about them\u2019.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>As I said above, these statistics are straight from the <strong>Campaign Against Living Miserably<\/strong> (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.thecalmzone.net\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>CALM<\/strong><\/a>) and there are of course loads of other statistics available should you choose to explore this further.<\/p>\n<p>However, and please heed my words; if you\u2019re going to stick words like, \u201cMental Health in Men\u201d and \u201cMale Suicide\u201d in your search engine, PLEASE make sure that you inform a close friend or relative about what you\u2019re doing. You MUST look after your own well-being\u2026\u2026. Plus it could freak your partner out if they checked your browsing history. No, seriously, please don\u2019t risk opening up some sort of \u201cPandora\u2019s Box\u201d and inadvertently expose yourself to some of this stuff.<\/p>\n<p>In acknowledgement of \u201cInternational Men\u2019s Day\u201d in November 2016, \u201cCALM\u201d completed a \u201cMasculinity Audit\u201d. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.thecalmzone.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/MasculinityAudit2016.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Check it out for yourself.<\/a><\/p>\n<p>They quizzed over a thousand respondents, which included some experts and all that jazz.\u00a0It highlighted how we men struggle differently to women in issues to do with mental health.<\/p>\n<p>The audit revealed that men are not only less likely than women to open up to friends about being depressed, they\u2019re also more likely to exhibit risk taking behaviour and feel more frustrated at life\u2019s many challenges.\u00a0Notice that phrase, \u201cmore likely to exhibit risk taking behaviour\u201d. It\u2019s crucial to what I\u2019m about to share with you.<\/p>\n<p>The audit showed that barely half the men who admitted to feeling \u2018very depressed\u2019 had told anyone about it, compared to 67% of women.<\/p>\n<p>It also highlighted how men, generally speaking, lack the language to talk about their mental health; meaning that even doctors may be failing to spot the key danger signs.\u00a0And of course, the ultimate \u2018danger sign\u2019 is often displayed when it\u2019s far too late.\u00a0Suicide therefore remains the single biggest killer of British males under the age of 45.<\/p>\n<p>Most of you who know me, will know that my background is in Policing, and over the very last weekend when I was employed by the Leicestershire Police; over the August Bank Holiday weekend of 2015, 4 men in Leicestershire took their own lives.<\/p>\n<p>The youngest was just 17 and the oldest was 50.\u00a0It breaks my heart fellas.\u00a0And if it breaks my heart, what\u2019s it doing to God\u2019s!!<\/p>\n<p>The \u2018clever bloke\u2019 who instigated the audit; Professor Damien Ridge made a comment which I found startling; \u201c<em>Men do things like self-medicate or become angry or become someone else\u2019s problem. They let it build up then they lash out at themselves or other people<\/em>\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>That sentence is certainly worth reading again.<\/p>\n<p>34 and a bit years, as a police officer and a member of police staff has shown me, only too often the results of our inability to talk to each other.\u00a0And I\u2019ve seen that our inability to find the right language results in scores of men who have \u2018self medicated\u2019 and their lives have been destroyed by criminality, violence, alcohol reliance, drug abuse, pornography \u2026\u2026 the list is endless.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, there are all sorts of reasons why men simply do not talk about how they feel, and those of you who are familiar with the CVM vision will be well-versed in some of our strategies by which we seek to address this.<\/p>\n<p>Women tend to have a history of talking about \u2018stuff\u2019 with their girlfriends, family and so on. They open up and talk.\u00a0Men don\u2019t have that language. They simply all too often don\u2019t have the right environment in which they can share their true feelings.\u00a0How often have you said to your mate, \u201cAre you ok?\u201d. And I bet his reply was, \u201cI\u2019m alright\u201d, when really his life is in bits.<\/p>\n<p>So, that\u2019s definitely something for us men to seriously think about.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Fellas; you owe it to your mate!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Please look out for part 2 Thursday.<\/p>\n<p>If you need to reach out and begin the journey away from the precipice the starting point is to tell someone. Talk to someone you trust, let family or friends know what&#8217;s going on for you, they may be able to offer help and support. If you find it difficult to talk to someone you know these free helplines are there to help.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.samaritans.org\/how-we-can-help-you\/contact-us\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>Samaritans<\/strong><\/a> \u2013 Available 24hr for everyone &#8211; <strong>Call 116 123<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.thecalmzone.net\/help\/get-help\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Campaign Against Living Miserably<\/a><\/strong> (CALM) \u2013 Available 5pm to Midnight for men &#8211; <strong>Call 0800 58 58 58<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Help and support is available right now if you need it. You don&#8217;t have to struggle with difficult feelings alone.<\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re worried about someone, try to get them to talk to you. Ask open-ended questions like: &#8220;How do you feel about&#8230;?&#8221; Don&#8217;t worry about having the answers. Just listening to what someone has to say and taking it seriously can be more helpful. See Samaritans&#8217; tips on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.samaritans.org\/difficultconversations\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">how to start a difficult conversation<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Image Credit: <a href=\"https:\/\/unsplash.com\/photos\/NAtR6-ck7As\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Alex Iby<\/a><\/p>\n<div class=\"linkwithin_hook\" id=\"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/thoughts-from-the-cvm-team\/lets-talk\/\"><\/div><script>\n<!-- \/\/LinkWithinCodeStart\nvar linkwithin_site_id = 897245;\nvar linkwithin_div_class = \"linkwithin_hook\";\n\/\/LinkWithinCodeEnd -->\n<\/script>\n<script src=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/widget.js\"><\/script>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/\"><img src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.linkwithin.com\/pixel.png?w=750\" alt=\"Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...\" style=\"border: 0\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As I write some reflections about \u201cMen and Mental Health\u201d, please note that I have added the caveat of \u201cLet\u2019s Talk\u201d. It\u2019s vitally important that the title is read in its entirety. Now before you get stuck in to the \u2018meaty stuff\u2019 about a really complex subject, I feel that I must add the disclaimer [&hellip;]<\/p>\n<script>\n<!-- \/\/LinkWithinCodeStart\nvar linkwithin_site_id = 897245;\nvar linkwithin_div_class = \"linkwithin_hook\";\n\/\/LinkWithinCodeEnd -->\n<\/script>\n<script src=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/widget.js\"><\/script>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/\"><img src=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/pixel.png\" alt=\"Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...\" style=\"border: 0\" \/><\/a>","protected":false},"author":87,"featured_media":8500,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[1508,1173,1509,1510],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/MHW.jpg?fit=565%2C350&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7PoLK-258","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":8014,"url":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/thoughts-from-the-cvm-team\/lets-talk-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":8006,"position":0},"title":"Men and Mental Health \u2013 Let\u2019s Talk (Pt 2\/2)","date":"16 May 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"I\u2019m assuming you\u2019ve clicked on to this second blog as you\u2019ve read my first one entitled \u201cMen and Mental Health \u2013 Let\u2019s Talk\u201d. If you have not read that I would recommend you do so before progressing any further! Referring back to the \u2018Masculinity Report\u2019 carried out by the wonderfully\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Team CVM&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/MHW.jpg?fit=565%2C350&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":8018,"url":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/thoughts-from-the-cvm-team\/mental-health-awareness-week-2018\/","url_meta":{"origin":8006,"position":1},"title":"Mental Health Awareness Week 2018","date":"14 May 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Maybe you saw this in the news or even went and had a look for yourself, but earlier this year ITV HQ supported a charity called CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) by having an art installation on their buildings roof. The installation was the work of sculptor Mark Jenkins and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Team CVM&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/MHW18.jpg?fit=565%2C350&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":8046,"url":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/thoughts-from-the-cvm-team\/denial\/","url_meta":{"origin":8006,"position":2},"title":"ME? Mental Health Condition? You must be joking!","date":"18 May 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"I have always been an optimist. As a young man starting out in the Financial Services profession in 1990, I relished and devoured numerous books and tapes on Personal Development and Positive Mental Attitude. Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracey and Dale Carnegie were just some of the individuals who\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Team CVM&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/MHW18.jpg?fit=565%2C350&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":7521,"url":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/friends-of-cvm\/im-a-man\/","url_meta":{"origin":8006,"position":3},"title":"I&#8217;m a man?","date":"15 June 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Yes, and here it is! Stiff upper lip. I'm a man. Strong. I'm a man. Burn stuff and take hipster photos of mountains. I'm a man. Depressed. I'm a man? Question every decision I make. I'm a man? Pretty sure I'm no good. I'm a man? You know something is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Friends of CVM&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":7228,"url":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/news\/international-mens-day-2016\/","url_meta":{"origin":8006,"position":4},"title":"International Men&#8217;s Day 2016","date":"19 November 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"So you might have seen that as well as this being \u2018Movember,\u2019 Saturday is International Men\u2019s Day, a day that has been set up to recognise and explore the concerns and challenges that men face. This year the specific focus is; Stop Male Suicide. I am sure there will be\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;News&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/international-mens-day.png?fit=927%2C839&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4760,"url":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/friends-of-cvm\/its-good-to-talk\/","url_meta":{"origin":8006,"position":5},"title":"Its good to talk","date":"30 October 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Or so British telecom used to say\u2026 But the truth is \u2013 it IS good to talk to be sure, it depends whom you talk to and how you go about it. But repressing it all in the name of the British stiff upper lip or male machismo will one\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Friends of CVM&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8006"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/87"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8006"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8006\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8499,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8006\/revisions\/8499"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8500"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8006"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8006"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8006"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}