{"id":5674,"date":"2014-10-30T08:06:51","date_gmt":"2014-10-30T08:06:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/?p=5674"},"modified":"2015-02-16T10:41:15","modified_gmt":"2015-02-16T10:41:15","slug":"shame","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/50plus\/shame\/","title":{"rendered":"Shame"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>In an attempt to better understand some of the roots of the conflict in the middle east and further afield, I have been reading a book called \u2018Touching the Soul of Islam\u2019, by Bill Musk who worked for Church Mission Society, Interserve and others.<br \/>\nThe following summary table outlines his understanding of some of the key differences between Western and Eastern cultures. It\u2019s easy to see how some of these very fundamental differences lead to clashes of values, misunderstandings, fears and conflict.<\/p>\n<p>I am particularly interested by the Western focus on \u2018guilt\u2019 which tends to relate to particular actions done or not done (\u2018sins of omission or commission\u2019) as opposed to the Eastern focus on \u2018shame\u2019 which is more of a consciousness of something not right about the whole person. Shame is a very biblical concept, not surprising then, considering its Eastern roots.<\/p>\n<p>In the course of speaking to people about the need for forgiveness, many people do not seem to consider their guilt particularly serious, especially in comparison to certain others who really have problems with bad behaviour! A greater focus on the holiness and loveliness and kindness of God, his awesome nature, will perhaps lead us to a sense of shame in relation to him &#8211; didn\u2019t Job compare himself to a worm in the face of God? Shame humbles me to see my need to be restored to God, which goes way more than this or that sin needs forgiving, and to see that Christ in me is the only hope. If we ourselves or we\u2019ve got friends, family or neighbours seeped in Easter culture, perhaps we could run this table by them and better understand some of our differences and what we in the West might need to learn afresh.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Table: East and West<\/p>\n<table style=\"font-size: 11px;\" width=\"520\">\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\"><b>Important Themes\u00a0in\u00a0Western Cultures<\/b><\/td>\n<td width=\"263\"><b>Important Themes\u00a0in\u00a0Middle Eastern Cultures<\/b><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">&#8216;Reality&#8217; \u2013centred conceptual framework<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">&#8216;value&#8217; \u2013centred conceptual framework<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Primacy of the individual<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Primacy of the &#8216;group&#8217;<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Liberty to develop independent life<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Place in web of social relationships<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Equality of the sexes<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Differentiation of the sexes<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Task-oriented roles<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Gender-associated roles<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Achievement due to self-effort<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Honour from variety of sources<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Guilt: result of breaking law<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Shame: result of failing someone<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Emphasis on youth<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Emphasis on age<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Materialistic\/humanistic in focus<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Theocentric\/God-oriented in focus<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Love matches lead to marriage<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Status matches negotiated for marriage<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Rights of each individual paramount<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Duties towards family\/clan paramount<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Open-ended attitude to economics<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">&#8216;limited good&#8217; attitude to economics<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Contract relationships important<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Oral\/trust relationships important<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Public and private worlds separate<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Public and private worlds integrated<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Accumulation of private wealth lauded<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Generosity\/hospitality on demand lauded<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Future oriented<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Past oriented<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Freedom-focused behaviour<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Status-focused behaviour<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Personal preference primary<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Conventional appearance primary<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td width=\"245\">Competition on basis of individual merit<\/td>\n<td width=\"263\">Advancement on basis of who-you-know<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<div class=\"linkwithin_hook\" id=\"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/50plus\/shame\/\"><\/div><script>\n<!-- \/\/LinkWithinCodeStart\nvar linkwithin_site_id = 897245;\nvar linkwithin_div_class = \"linkwithin_hook\";\n\/\/LinkWithinCodeEnd -->\n<\/script>\n<script src=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/widget.js\"><\/script>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/\"><img src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.linkwithin.com\/pixel.png?w=750\" alt=\"Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...\" style=\"border: 0\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In an attempt to better understand some of the roots of the conflict in the middle east and further afield, I have been reading a book called \u2018Touching the Soul of Islam\u2019, by Bill Musk who worked for Church Mission Society, Interserve and others. The following summary table outlines his understanding of some of the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n<script>\n<!-- \/\/LinkWithinCodeStart\nvar linkwithin_site_id = 897245;\nvar linkwithin_div_class = \"linkwithin_hook\";\n\/\/LinkWithinCodeEnd -->\n<\/script>\n<script src=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/widget.js\"><\/script>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/\"><img src=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/pixel.png\" alt=\"Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...\" style=\"border: 0\" \/><\/a>","protected":false},"author":60,"featured_media":5895,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[319],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/CVM-50plus-blog-640x360.jpg?fit=640%2C360&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s7PoLK-shame","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":6971,"url":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/thoughts-from-the-cvm-team\/what-was-that-all-about\/","url_meta":{"origin":5674,"position":0},"title":"What was that all about?","date":"3 May 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"This year marks the 30th anniversary of the ending of the longest war in history. The 335 Year War (as it is now known) was a conflict between the Netherlands and the tiny Isles of Scilly off the south west coast of Cornwall. It all kicked off way back in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Team CVM&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/colossians3-13.jpg?fit=550%2C300&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":9348,"url":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/friends-of-cvm\/confessions-of-a-personal-trainer-3\/","url_meta":{"origin":5674,"position":1},"title":"Confessions of a Personal Trainer #3","date":"6 April 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cXXX Adults only\u201d Hands up, if you are struggling with motivation to exercise, and are still not at that ideal weight?Hands up,\u00a0if you are struggling to choose and eat the most wholesome foods 80% of the time?\u00a0Hands up,\u00a0if your focus is 100% on changing the outside, but not changing from\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Friends of CVM&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/confessions-of-a-pt-blog.jpg?fit=610%2C291&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4525,"url":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/friends-of-cvm\/code-ode-13-guilty-feelings-pt-1\/","url_meta":{"origin":5674,"position":2},"title":"Code Ode 13: Guilty Feelings Pt.1","date":"7 August 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Read this: \"My guilt overwhelms me - it is a burden too heavy to bear.\" Psalm 38 v 4 Recite this out loud: We can sometimes feel a sense of guilt. Is it a thing in-built, A feeling of real guilt Or just a guilty feeling? Is the guilt the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Friends of CVM&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":5493,"url":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/50plus\/lift-the-label\/","url_meta":{"origin":5674,"position":3},"title":"Lift the label","date":"18 September 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"In seeking to understand something of the background to the current problems in the Middle East, I\u2019ve been in a dialogue with a friend about Islam and its relations to Christianity and Judiasm. I\u2019ve also been reading a book called \u2018Touching the Soul of Islam\u2019 by Bill Musk, in an\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;50 Plus&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8375,"url":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/50plus\/guilt\/","url_meta":{"origin":5674,"position":4},"title":"Guilt","date":"27 February 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Guilt: a word that may or may not figure too much in your thinking. \u2018An awareness of having done wrong or committed a crime, accompanied by feelings of shame and regret\u2019 (Thanks to Encarta Dictionary: UK) When we think of guilt we may think of law courts. Recently a fire\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;50 Plus&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/jason-betz-274375-unsplash.jpg?fit=1000%2C752&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":8869,"url":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/thoughts-from-the-cvm-team\/brokenhearted-men\/","url_meta":{"origin":5674,"position":5},"title":"Brokenhearted Men","date":"20 May 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"I was thinking about \u2018heartbreak\u2019 the other day. The term makes me think of something from school, a bit childish and I have pictures of those sweets made into heart shapes. However, I think this all fails to deal with the silent pandemic of heart break in men.\u00a0 Let me\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Team CVM&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/nijwam-swargiary-oMnAKV902LA-unsplash.jpg?fit=1200%2C801&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5674"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/60"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5674"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5674\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5677,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5674\/revisions\/5677"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5895"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5674"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5674"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5674"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}