{"id":4760,"date":"2013-10-30T07:00:55","date_gmt":"2013-10-30T07:00:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/?p=4760"},"modified":"2016-01-07T09:37:59","modified_gmt":"2016-01-07T09:37:59","slug":"its-good-to-talk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/friends-of-cvm\/its-good-to-talk\/","title":{"rendered":"Its good to talk"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Or so British telecom used to say\u2026 But the truth is \u2013 it IS<\/span> good to talk to be sure, it depends whom you talk to and how you go about it. But repressing it all in the name of the British stiff upper lip or male machismo will one day make your head explode!<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Whilst talking about the footy is a start, the chances are that you will also want to go a little bit deeper than that. If you struggle with emotions or have a diagnosed mental health problem, then talking to someone else can also be a great release. However there are some things NOT to say and some things to say instead.<\/span><\/p>\n

Just being there to listen, can literally save lives. I have spoke to me whose first \u2018communication\u2019 was to harm themselves. It\u2019s better to talk instead.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don’t say that \u2013 say this<\/span><\/h2>\n

Here are three well-meaning things I have heard said \u2013 followed by what someone who is depressed might hear instead \u2013 followed by something to say instead.<\/span><\/p>\n

You say \u2013 Come on, lad, snap out of it
\n<\/b>They hear \u2013 Everyone else can, so what\u2019s the problem?
\n<\/i>Say instead \u2013 A few of us are going to the cinema tonight \u2013 would you like to come?<\/span><\/p>\n

You say \u2013 You have to choose whether to believe your thoughts
\n<\/b>They hear \u2013 If I had a choice, would I not have chosen to do this?
\n<\/i>Say instead \u2013 Could I help you find someone to help you with your thoughts \/ accompany you to see your GP?<\/span><\/p>\n

You say \u2013 Have you tried reading your Bible \/ praying about it
\n<\/b>They hear \u2013 I\u2019ve been a Christian for ten years, what do you think?
\n<\/i>Say instead \u2013 Would it be OK if I prayed for you? Would it be helpful if I came to church with you?<\/span><\/p>\n

Tips when talking to men<\/span><\/h2>\n

Men are fairly simple, and we should keep it simple \u2013 no psychoanalysis needed! Its time to ditch the \u2018men are from mars\u2019 books and try some of these ideas instead.<\/span><\/p>\n

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  1. Go for a walk\/drive\/jog<\/b>. Men talk better when you are doing stuff alongside them \u2013 rather than sitting across the table from them. It allows the talking to stop and start and pause naturally with no awkward gaps.<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Start low and go slow<\/b>. Don’t jump in as the amateur therapist (which is never a good idea, by the way) but start of with some banter (football if you must!), then some listening (and then listen again), then move on to simple offers (\u2018I am going to the shops \u2013 can you pick anything up for you?\u2019) and open questions (\u2018Can you tell me any more? How do you think this came about?\u2019)<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Don’t spread yourself too thinly<\/b>. Men rarely have a large number of deep friendships \u2013 though extroverts can have hundreds of superficial ones. Take a note of who you are close to and value these people. If you don\u2019t have any such friendships, you may need to sacrifice some superficial ones to make the time. There are enough relationships to go round!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    A longer version of this article and more resources about Christianity and Mental Health are available at\u00a0www.mindandsoul.info<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

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