{"id":4525,"date":"2013-08-07T09:00:03","date_gmt":"2013-08-07T09:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/?p=4525"},"modified":"2016-01-06T14:56:21","modified_gmt":"2016-01-06T14:56:21","slug":"code-ode-13-guilty-feelings-pt-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/friends-of-cvm\/code-ode-13-guilty-feelings-pt-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Code Ode 13: Guilty Feelings Pt.1"},"content":{"rendered":"

Read this: <\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

“My guilt overwhelms me – it is a burden too heavy to bear.”
\nPsalm 38 v 4<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Recite this out loud:<\/strong><\/p>\n

We can sometimes feel a sense of guilt.
\nIs it a thing in-built,
\nA feeling of real guilt
\nOr just a guilty feeling?
\nIs the guilt the thing
\nOr is the thing the feeling?
\nIs it an independent thing
\nNot dependent on our feelings,
\nThey themselves dependent
\nOn a host of random things,
\nAnd some names we can\u2019t forget,
\nWhich people say, \u2018life brings\u2019,
\nOf which to be ashamed or to regret,
\nOr of which to boast
\nOn a springboard of elation,
\nOr to sense an irritation,
\nMelting rarely to compassion,
\nDrowning sometimes in depression,
\nOn occasion feeling passion
\nEven to the point of temper,
\nAnd the whole thing being tempered
\nNot surprisingly by alcohol (or music)
\nOr worse, a heady mixture of the two!<\/p>\n

But, to unpick this \u2018guilt\u2019, to analyse,
\nLook with dissectors\u2019 eyes;
\nIs it a fear that drives
\nThis whirlpool which, once entered,
\nSucks us into ever deeper confines
\nEver darker, to its centre?
\nOr is it shame, which provides the motive force?
\nIs shame the driver of remorse?
\nFear or shame, I ask the same\u2014of what?
\nEmbarrassment and pain of being found out?
\nAll too often, yes, and not
\nEmbarrassment and pain that we\u2019ve dealt out.
\nBut that\u2019s not guilt, that\u2019s only self-defence.
\nGuilt must recognise, a victim\u2019s loss.
\nThat\u2019s real, beyond anything we feel;
\nIt\u2019s still there when we don\u2019t give a toss.
\nSo– our guilt is measured only by their cost?
\nBut that can never be completely met
\nBy us, who can\u2019t completely ease their pain.
\nAnd supposing that were done, we\u2019d still have yet
\nTo deal with our disdain.<\/p>\n

I somehow know there must be something more,
\nTo empty out guilt\u2019s store,
\nWhich might outrank, might come before,
\nBe deeper even, than a victim\u2019s pain;
\nIn fact would demonstrate the pain\u2019s full meaning,
\nPast depths of despair, beyond even screaming,
\nBy agreeing, people\u2019s worth
\nIs measured not just by their suffering.
\nWhen eye has been exchanged for eye
\nAnd tooth for tooth,
\nIs that then it?
\nThere must be more still to the truth.
\nA life is worth more than a world of pain
\nAnd we, if we became one, would exclaim
\n\u201cI\u2019m more than a victim, I am Me!\u201d<\/p>\n

And what of victims cruelly wronged;
\nRaped, sold into sexual slavery,
\nOr as a child
\nForced, at gun point, to kill
\nAnd then to sing the songs
\nOf rebel armies and run wild?
\nAll at the hands of those who prosper,
\nUp until their victims die,
\nVoiceless, powerless,
\nWhose words evaporate into the sky,
\nWith no advocate to deal with their distress.
\nAnd their oppressors?
\nThey meet only with success.<\/p>\n

So, what of that? Is it, \u201cso what\u201d?
\nFor those victims, is that all?
\nIs that enough?
\nIs the final answer, echoing down the Universe\u2014
\nWell, tough?
\nIf that\u2019s the case, then in the end,
\n(For all rule lies then with the strong)
\nDon\u2019t waste your time or mine
\nWith talk of right or wrong
\nOr \u201cshould\u201d or \u201cought.\u201d
\nFor them, \u201cwrong,\u201d\u201d strong,\u201d is all the same– it\u2019s won!
\nAnd in the cruel oppressor\u2019s eyes, and ours
\nThey count for nought,
\nAnd never will, forgotten or ignored;
\nAnd what a stroke of luck, no more than that,
\nThat they are \u201cthey\u201dand are not me or you.
\nAnd, if only luck keeps us,
\nOut of their shoes,
\nKeeps us from being used,
\nThen in the final reckoning
\nWe too don\u2019t count for anything.
\nAnd yet\u2014we think we do!<\/p>\n

This thought should send us reeling
\nFor if we have real worth
\nThere\u2019s real guilt as well as feeling.<\/p>\n

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