{"id":2856,"date":"2012-09-12T08:03:28","date_gmt":"2012-09-12T08:03:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/?p=2856"},"modified":"2016-01-06T14:10:49","modified_gmt":"2016-01-06T14:10:49","slug":"low-sperm-count-boy-firing-blanks-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cvm.org.uk\/blog\/the-welford\/low-sperm-count-boy-firing-blanks-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Low Sperm Count Boy – Firing Blanks (Part 1)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Earlier this year Nick led a seminar at the Northallerton CVM Men\u2019s day on disappointment with God. During this seminar he talked about Anna and his journey through infertility. After he remarked to Carl that although he was happy to share his story, he didn\u2019t want to be labelled \u2018low sperm count boy.\u2019 Within weeks Carl had invited Nick to be interviewed at The Gathering about his infertility. Low sperm count boy was born. This blog series is his story so far …<\/em><\/p>\n

My memory is getting increasingly worse, and yet there are some events that are seared in my mind forever. Getting married, completing a hat trick by scoring the winning goal straight from a corner kick (it was an incredibly windy day), and finding out I had a considerably low sperm count.<\/p>\n

Anna and I got married in 2003, it was now 2008 and we\u2019d been trying to have a baby for about three years with no success. I knew that I had had an operation on my testicles when I was 5 years old due to some complications at birth, but I\u2019d been told that it wouldn\u2019t affect my fertility. I\u2019d been told wrong.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t remember much about that last one other than the 5 minutes we were in the Doctors. Helpfully our regular Doctor was off and we were seen by the locum. I don\u2019t remember how I felt sitting in the waiting room, whether I was nervous or confident, but I do remember the locum awkwardly reading the results off his screen, mumbling something about \u2018an occasional sperm\u2019 while refusing to look at me. I do remember the gut punch I felt as he confirmed my worst fears – I had a significantly low sperm count. I do remember shedding tears in that office as my world seemingly collapsed.<\/p>\n

Since a very young age I had never imagined not having children of my own. I seem to have a natural affinity with children of all ages (perhaps because I am more on their wavelength than the adults around me!) Even with the knowledge of my childhood surgery I hadn\u2019t considered a future in which I wouldn\u2019t be called \u2018Dad\u2019.<\/p>\n

But it wasn\u2019t just that, my whole identity was under attack too. For long periods of our marriage Anna had been the main breadwinner. I knew she longed to work less and start making a home for us and our future children, but I couldn\u2019t provide that for her, and now I couldn\u2019t provide the one thing she wanted above all others – a child. As a man I was failing. I wasn\u2019t just firing blanks in fertility terms, but in life too.<\/p>\n

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