I Am Weak
The half Marathon I completed last week set my soul up for the real thing in Belfast this May. Today however, I was told about a recurring injury in the tendons around my fifth metatarsals in both feet. I can no longer run the Marathon.
To be honest here, it’s not just the fact I’ll be demoted to cheerleader for Dan Baldwin as he runs for CVM on May 7th that hurts the most. It’s not even the physical pain which throbs through my foot reducing me to a distorted John Wayne hop-a-long.The hardest thing to swallow is that in the eyes of my friends, my colleagues and my family, I have a weakness. And what saddens me in the light of day is that I’m discovering more weaknesses in my being regularly.
Let’s be realistic though, when will I ever have to run 26 miles in normal life? Unless we’re invaded by Ethiopian distance athletes, I’m going to be alright. But even this doesn’t take away the stale taste of failure in my mouth. If my body was a machine, I’d be prone to malfunctions, if I were a computer, I’d freeze three times every day.
I can see your face now, sympathetic and concerned. (But I’m not looking for sympathy, honest 
)
As I get older, and mature in my often hilarious Christian faith, I’m becoming more of a perfectionist in the tasks at hand. Despite God pouring immeasurable grace into my life, I still think I’m a world-beater. I fancy my chances at most obstacles. If it’s me versus you, I think you’d struggle. And the tragedy of this personality trait is not just the arrogance. The tragedy is that when I do spot a chink in the armour of Alex, I begin to lose heart. I lose heart because there is still so much of my identity based solely on my targets and ambitions. I am still learning how to anchor myself to the bigger picture.
There is a man sitting opposite me here at the CVM office called Dean Gray. He is my Managing Director. He is the sort of man who delights in God whether he is speaking to 500 people or having coffee with a homeless man. He is constant. He is balanced. He is steadfast. I am like a goose being attacked by fifty squirrels.
So, I’d like you to do two things for me.
1) Would you pray that I listen to what God says about me before I trust in my own understanding?
2) Would you throw £5 to CVM as Dan Baldwin smashes the Belfast Marathon without his Welsh co-pilot?
Romans 12:2-3
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.
Pray this for me.
Peace.
