God Drives a BMW?
Incredible. Out of all the apartments in the town, God chose to move into my block. I remember it so vividly, the moment I learned the almighty had moved in. I parked my trusted Punto in my designated space and clocked a brand new BMW a few places down. Though in the Bible God models true humility, it seems things have changed for the creator. The car’s number plate proudly read: Ade is God. Hallelujah. Its finally happened I thought.
I fell to my knees majestically in the car park, awe-struck. I chose not to dwell on the fact that God had revealed his new nickname, and also chose to spend £79,999 on a vehicle when some of his neighbours struggled to come to terms with devastating redundancies…after all, God can do what he likes. Hallelujah.
Some of the residents watched bewildered as I bowed continuously to the Lord’s chosen chariot. I felt sorry for them. How they would rue the day when they refused to bow before their God. I knelt for hours until it happened. The moment I’ve been anticipating my whole Christian life. I was approached by the Lord. He stood at just 5ft 6″ tall, and wore torn G-Star jeans and a t-shirt which had pictures of women on the front. Hallelujah, God cares about fashion…and women.
He looked at me as I bowed before him. And then he actually spoke. I broke down in tears as his voice engaged with my sinful being. “What are you doing mate?!” He asked me powerfully. I assumed the reason he called me “mate” was because I’d accepted the atonement of Christ which makes me a friend of God, saved by Grace, through faith so none can boast.
I mumbled an answer repeating the words Lord, saviour, forgive me, thank you. He opened his boot and reached for his robe, which was disguised as a brown River Island leather jacket. I waited for the moment where I’d have to give an account for my faith. But it never came. In fact none of the things listed in Revelations took place. I looked through my tears for the unattainable number of people groups singing in different tongues the songs of praise and worship for their saviour. I listened intently for the music of the heavenly realms and prepared myself for a glimpse of the new creation. But nothing happened. I slowly dried my eyes as BMW Ade stood over me and told me I was embarrassing him using some uncouth language and a violent gesture. “I thought you were God” I mumbled.
Turns out he’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy.
Peace.










