After the miscarriage we decided to try IVF one more final time. There were more occurrences that could have been taken as ‘signs’ from God. Including almost half the money required arriving on our doorstep over the course of a weekend. We hadn’t asked anyone for any help. But unfortunately the IVF failed to work again – we didn’t get past the transfer stage this time.

What followed was one of our worst summers ever. Upon reflection we think that the realisation that IVF was now off the table affected us both, and during the summer we grieved again. Then there was a life line – someone offered us the money for a third round of IVF. We were confused and unsure, and ultimately we turned this offer down. The final straw for me was watching a video at church for that years shoebox appeal. The joy that a simple box of toys bought children’s faces moved me, and as I watched I felt I couldn’t withhold the offer of parents to a child any longer. So we started making enquires about adoption.

At the start of the adoption process we were invited to an induction evening. During this we were given newspapers which had profiles of all the children who needed parents. It was like some kind of horrendously necessary Argos catalogue of children. After three pages I put the paper down for fear of breaking down in tears at the things these young lives had had to bear. I wanted to stop the evening, to shout ‘I’ll take them all!’ Adoption is an incredibly Biblical principle, even if you ignore all of God’s talk about looking after widows and orphans you are still faced with the fact that God looked at similar catalogue of children, similarly neglected and lied to and He said ‘I’ll take them all!’ Some say when you become a parent that your life as you know it ends, God is the only person who this is literally true for – Jesus died so that we could have the privilege of being His co-heir, His brother or sister.

Romans 8:15-17 ‘For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.’

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I am a Christian. I believe in a magic sky clown that makes everything happen. Everything that happens is His will. Sometimes bad things happen, but that’s because He moves in mysterious ways – says so in the Bible.

I believe that this magic sky clown came to earth as a Jewish Zombie to tell us to obey Him. I believe that if we don’t believe in Him and obey his 10 Commandments, then we will be eternally punished in a lake of fire by devils with horns – says so in the Bible.

Beyond that, I don’t believe in Science. I don’t like words such as evidence of proof or logic. I have Faith. I’m happy with not knowing.

I don’t think they should teach evolution in school. I’m a Christian and therefore a creationist, and I believe that the world was created 6000 years ago with the appearance of age. Any so-called science that seems to contradict that is merely a test of faith from God. Don’t get me started on dinosaurs.

In addition, I hate the gays. I call them ‘the gays’. They will burn because they are gay. Same with Muslims. I don’t like Muslims. I don’t like anybody who disagrees with me. Because I know I’m right. I believe I have all the answers.

I’m a good person because I’m a Christian. If you’re not a Christian, you’re not a good person and, more than that, you can’t really understand what it means to be good. Only Christians can truly understand morality. I’m better than you.

You should just believe in God. Don’t think about it too much. Just believe, and come to church. You should do what I do and use religion as a crutch. Says so in the Bible.

_____

All the above statements are obviously moronic, but all of them are genuine accusations I’ve had thrown at me by friends. We are boundary setting at this early stage in our journey, and it’s probably important to lay out what we’re trying to do with this apologetics strand.

Some people are very anti-apologetics. The main objection raised is that nobody can be argued into heaven – that it requires God’s spirit to convert people. Now, that’s entirely true about the Holy Spirit, but it’s also a cop out. The paragraphs above show just how much misunderstanding exists about the Christian faith in our culture – a culture that labels itself as ‘enlightened’ about such things. Apologetics shouldn’t exist to argue anybody into anything. It should exist to help break down some of the intellectual barriers that people build up between themselves and Jesus. For example, if you are of the opinion that science has totally disproved God or that there’s no way that a good God could send people to hell, then you could have a vision of Jesus and it might not make any impact on you whatsoever – you’d simply find a way to dismiss it. The DS (Demolition Squad) has been set up to blow apart some of the misconceptions and overturn the dismissals.

Apologetics is massively biblical. Both Elijah and Paul are seen debating with people of rival beliefs about the nature and reality of God. 1 Peter says this: Always be prepared to give a reason for the hope that is in you, but with gentleness and respect. Always, Reason, Gentleness, Respect: If we ever develop a Demolition Squad sigil, maybe that could be our motto? It’s better than ‘God Hates Fags’, I’m sure you’ll agree.

The New Testament does not distinguish between apologetics and evangelism as though they were different activities. Little enough is said about “the evangelist”, but not a mention is made of “the apologist”! They had one approach in evangelism and its central feature was two-way dialogue. They listened seriously to what people were saying. They engaged with the cultural world of their hearers. They tried to understand their difficulties. Tuning in and finding their cultural and intellectual level, they set out to demolish opposing arguments before presenting the gospel in a convincing way, in terms their hearers could understand.

So that’s what we’re about. We’re just about ready to get started, I think….

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There is a man who stands in the town centre. He has done it for years. This photo is his latest sign.

What do you think? I mean, technically he’s not wrong is he? But is it the best emphasis given all the richness there is in God? Do we want to see half-hearted converts just hedging their bets in case the end of the world does appear sooner than they hoped?

Throughout the Bible we see God state that He desires mercy over sacrifice. Jesus even repeats this mantra to the Pharisees, imploring them to learn what it means. What’s more merciful – to scare people into the kingdom? Or to remind them of alternative ’100% guaranteed “Biblical facts”? Like whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved. Like the fact that in Jesus we are new creations. Like faith, hope and love?

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Every few months I try to splash out on a decent bottle of single malt. This week, it felt like the right time to purchase a cheeky bottle. The labels stood in front of me like proud statues boasting of a better result than their neighbours. I’d never tasted Singleton, probably due to its £26 price. However, I’d been putting a fair shift in during recent times and thought I’d treat myself.

The young lad at the checkout scanned my evening meal and the single malt through, which all came to around £60. As I left Tesco, I felt the need to check the receipt and found the whisky had gone through twice! I strolled calmly to customer service where I received an apology, a refund and something incredible. Part of the Tesco customer policy is to refund double the difference where someone is overcharged. It dawned on me as I returned to my car: Tesco had effectively given me a top quality bottle of single malt for free.

Before I set off, my excitement got the better of me. I called my two close friends and let them know the incredible news. Both men arrived at my house an hour later, where we enjoyed a bottle of Singleton courtesy of Tesco.

However, as I sipped my deluxe nightcap, I pondered a challenging question. Would I have asked my friends to join me for a whisky if I had bought the bottle myself? Truthfully, not a chance. The reason I shared so willingly, was because I was given it for free and I felt it was right to share it. Why then, do I hesitate to share the wonderful Christian message to those who are desperate for meaning in their lives? After all, the story of Jesus came to me freely, and it cost God a lot more than a bottle of single malt.

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?

- Romans 10:14

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And there I was, standing in a tight lycra kit with mascara running adjacent to the sweat drops on my face. In my right hand was an extremely heavy, miniature cannonball thing. The stadium was full, and united in song. “Team GB, Team GB”.

The official signalled that I should step forward to throw. I replied: “Mate, I’m not a shot putter. I’m also not female. And finally, do you know why I’m wearing lycra? Seriously man, if my brothers see this I’ll be excommunicated from my family. Please help.”

The official laughed my comment off and escorted me to the throwing booth. Behind me were female athletes all scoffing at my lack of muscle and unflattering outfit. Their sarcasm didn’t dampen the crowd’s optimism though. One northerner shouted encouragement from the stands: “Go on Alex luv, throw the life out of that thing. Go girl!”

Though tempted to run out of the Olympic stadium and pray nobody was filming the event, I pondered the phrase ‘When in Rome’.

Subsequently, I threw the weakest and most dreadful shot put in the history of the sport. It was like baby vomit. I’ll be honest with you, the silence of the stadium crushed me more than the costume that was barely covering my decency. Never had I been more happy to wake from a dream.

A few hours after my torrid sleep encounter, I was chatting with a friend of mine who was talking about ‘Serious vision’ for their ‘Life Calling’. I don’t know why so many people share these sorts of visions with me. I often feel like I’m the only one who doesn’t have clear revelations about the goal of my life. But as my talented and gifted friend explained their passion for faith with phrases like ‘Heart’s desire’ and ‘Soul thirst’, he looked at me and asked me what sort of dreams I have for my life. Suffice to say, they weren’t the same as his.

It got me thinking, and here’s what I think. Guys, don’t worry if you have hardly anything in common with those you’re living your life with. Fear not if you feel like a slug amidst eagles. Despite the thousands of faith-based manifestos that ooze intensity, destiny and promise, God is also the one who created normality. He created you, whether you strive to change culture forever, or merely dream of lycra and shot puts.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

- Colossians 3:23-24

Peace

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Usain Bolt cemented his place as the greatest sprinter of all time as he successfully defended his 100m title. Bolt posted an Olympic record time of 9.63 to beat countryman Yohan Blake and American Justin Gatlin into second and third respectively.

British athletes enjoyed their share of the glory in the Olympic Stadium on Saturday as part Team GB’s most successful day in Olympic history on Saturday. Team GB added six gold medals to their tally on Saturday, three of those coming within a glorious 45-minute period in the Olympic Stadium.

First Jessica Ennis won gold in the heptathlon, storming to victory in her 800m heat, while Greg Rutherford took first place in the men’s long jump. Mo Farah completed the hat-trick with victory in the men’s 10,000m final.

Earlier, Katherine Copeland and Sophie Hosking had started off Britain’s gold rush, winning in the lightweight women’s double sculls and the British team led from the front to win in the men’s coxless fours final.

On Sunday, Ben Ainslie made history by winning his fourth consecutive gold medal. He had trailed Denmark’s Jonas Hogh-Christensen for much of the week’s competition but finished ahead of the Dane in the medal race to win the Finn class and become the most-decorated sailor in Olympic history.

Andy Murray went some way to making amends for defeat in the Wimbledon final four weeks ago by winning gold in the Olympic competition. He beat the man who defeated him, Roger Federer, at the scene of that defeat, winning in straight sets 6-2 6-1 6-4.

Murray returned to the court to contest the mixed doubles final with partner Laura Robson and despite dominating the first set, the British pair lost out on a champions’ tie-break 2-6 6-3 10-8 to Max Mirnyi and Victoria Azarenka of Belarus.

Christine Ohuruogou mounted a late charge in the women’s 400m final, coming close to repeating the upset she staged in Beijing but had to settle for silver behind Sanya Richards-Ross of the USA.

Rain disrupted day four of the second test between England and South Africa, making a draw the most likely result going into the final day. England finished on 425 all out after Matt Prior’s 68 built on Kevin Pietersen’s score of 149 after South African-born batsman lost his wicket to Morne Morkel on the second ball of the day.

South Africa had notched up a first-innings score of 419 and they lead by 33 runs after scoring 33 for no wicket before the rain brought play to a close.

In the Super League, Bradford beat Widnes 38-26 to keep their playoff hopes alive despite their six-point deduction. Hull KR just lost out to Leeds 24-25 to leave the door open for Bradford. Wigan maintained their excellent form, notching up at least 40 points for the fourth consecutive match as they beat Hull 48-10.

London Broncos came back from 21-0 down to record only their fourth win of the season. The league’s basement side ran in seven second-half tries to beat Salford 40-28.

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It looked like a cross between a micro pig and an otter that had been beaten repeatedly over the head with a shovel. “That’s not a dog” I whispered to my friend Robert. “I think the owner heard you Al, why do you always whisper louder than Brian Blessed shouting?”

The owner took no offence at my remark and continued throwing a recently torn tree branch across the floodplain for Mr Snort-a-lot to collect in its goblin mouth. I was taken back by its ability to run to be honest. It was a lot quicker that I thought it would be. Rob and I watched for a few moments on our way to York City Centre for a pint. Before we picked up the pace again, a Doberman dog began galloping towards the scene. “This should be a fair fight” I whispered. (And once again my inability to whisper became apparent.”

But the owner of the tiny Pug didn’t even budge. If it were me, I would have put the dog in my pocket and ran as fast as possible.

I expected the Doberman to devour the Pug like a Millwall fan demolishing a Hot Dog. But what happened was just brilliant. At first the Pug dog continued to play ‘fetch’ oblivious to the potential predator shadowing its every move. Initially the Doberman seemed angry with the Pug, but it soon became confused. And then it just sat down and watched the game of ‘Fetch’ like Rob and I. After a few throws, the Pug carried the branch in its mouth and dropped it at the feet of the mega-dog. And off it trotted with its owner.

I was struck that despite its tiny, slightly grotesque appearance, the Pug was totally unmoved by its surroundings. And to be fair, it was pretty good at running, catching and fetching too. I turned to Rob and commented: “If I looked like that Pug dog, I’d never leave the house”. Rob replied: “We should go back home then mate.”

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

- Philippians 4:6

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Jeev Milkha Singh won the Scottish Open yesterday evening in a playoff with Francesco Molinari. Singh, ranked 192 in the world, took the last remaining qualifier place at next weekend’s Open after shooting 67 to overhaul Molinari’s overnight lead.

Scotland’s Mark Warren had looked to be in control approaching the final few holes but a double bogey on 15 proved disastrous.

Leeds shocked Wigan in Rugby League’s Challenge Cup semi-final to set up a meeting with Warrington in the Wembley showpiece, their third successive appearance in the final. Two tries each from Ryan Hall, Ben Jones-Bishop and Zak Hardaker helped Leeds make up for last season’s defeat against Wigan in the final in a 39-28 win

Warrington scored five tries to Huddersfield’s one to win 33-6 at the Galpharm stadium, Brett Hodgson scoring 17 points for the Wolves.

Amir Khan suffered a fourth-round knockout at the hands of Danny Garcia inLas Vegas on Saturday to take the Englishman’s WBA light-welterweight title to add to his own WBC title. Khan had been awarded the title just days before the fight after Lamont Peterson, who had defeated Khan in a fight mired in controversy, had been found guilty of doping.

David Haye knocked out Dereck Chisora in the fifth round of their grudge match at Upton Park on Saturday. Haye’s speed and power was too much for the one-dimensional Chisora and now the talk is of Haye facing WBC world heavyweight champion Vitali Klitschko, whose brother Wladimir defeated Haye in his most recent fight last year.

Rain affected a few of the weekend’s Pro 40 matches but Hampshire were able to maintain their lead at the top of their group with a four-wicket victory over Durham, Leicestershire beat Worcestershire by the same result.

Derbyshire beat Unicorns by 35 runs and Nottinghamshire beat Surrey by five wickets.

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“He does have the abilities and strengths to be a great defender, but he always has an error in him. He seems prone to a mistake, at any given time.” This is my friend Dan’s ruthless summing up of the Sunderland footballer Titus Bramble.

For patches of his career to date, Titus has played some very solid football. Unfortunately for the former Newcastle and Wigan player though, he hasn’t been able to shake his occasional mistakes on the ball. And yes every player succumbs to bad decision making at some stage, but it seems that Titus has accumulated the reputation that boasts a motto of “He has an error in him”.

Until recently, I thought I had freed myself from blatant errors. Don’t get me wrong, I am becoming more aware of my growing list of shortcomings daily, but it’s been a while since I’ve demonstrated an out and out error. My behavior on the football pitch has been cleaned up, my irate outbursts on the M1 have seemingly drifted into the horizon and my patience with those I am leading appears to be growing by the week. Comments have even been made from senior leaders that my ‘Sharp edges have been knocked off’ and I’ve ‘Grounded out’.

With my extended time free of a blatant slip up, I’ve become the go-to point for younger guys looking to overcome tricky situations. People with elongated job titles have taken me out for dinner to get my opinion about things. And just two weeks ago I was complimented from the front of a packed out church. I concluded that spiritually, I’m not like Titus Bramble. Though I am flawed, I don’t have any blatant, imminent errors in me. I am the captain of my soul…until very recently.

I sat opposite a wonderful young lady who was commenting on the dress she had bought for an important occasion. Surrounded by her friends and family, I made a comment about her dress that seemed to have escaped my mouth before my brain, soul and conscience had kicked in. The comment was not only derogatory; it wasn’t even something I believed. The table took a collective breath at my horrific insult, and like a telepathic detective I read their shared thought: ‘Even if that was sarcastic, it was a truly horrible thing to say to a lovely young woman”.

I held eye contact with those around the table and finally with the tearful woman in question. I wanted to blame it on my morbid sense of humour. I longed to claim I had drunk too much and should be excused. I pined for a mispronunciation moment or a Freudian slip. But the truth is, I have no idea why I did what I did. And though the reason behind my hurtful words is lost in space, the words themselves came straight out of me. The same me that has impressed those people whose words mean something to everyone. The same me who has shared advice like a high street cash dispenser on a Friday night in Leeds. The same me who boasted of an apparent error-free purple streak.

I’ll be totally honest with you. I have an error in me; its blatant and its imminent. My internal question used to be ‘How do I share the lessons I’ve learnt to those around me?’ The question should have been ‘How do I balance out my call to leadership and my utter disgraceful core that erupts like Mt Etna from time to time.

Though I haven’t yet, I will be apologizing to the young lady before this blog is published. I will also speak with those who witnessed my careless whisper. But I guess for now I’ll meditate on the great leveler: My sin.

Forgiven I may be, error-free I am not.

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

- Jeremiah 17:9

P.S. If Mr Bramble is reading this, you’re a better footballer than I’ll ever be and we would welcome you at Blackburn Rovers any time.

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Much of my younger life was spent desiring things. But not just anything – mostly things that other people I knew owned. ‘If I could just get such and such’ I thought ‘My life would be so much better. Everything would be ok.’ I didn’t just limit this to inanimate objects either: upon reaching a certain age marriage would make my life complete, upon getting married the promise of a baby. All these things I would see in other people and want them, often missing out on enjoying what had been placed in my hands.

When it comes to changing myself, this greener grass view stunts my growth too. I look to heroes of the faith, both celebrity and just my personal heroes and I try to emulate them instead of Jesus. And when I fail to do so (as I invariably do) I blame God. ‘If I had their gifts then I would be a much better Christian.’ The Bible tells me that God has let me lie in a green pasture all to myself and I spend all my time looking at how green everyone else’s pastures are.

Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Sounds great – but what about those legitimate times of feeling the grass is greener for others? How can I be comfortable in my pasture of infertility when plenty of other couples are with child? Well, it’s not always easy, but I am coming to see that the pasture God chose for me is the only one where my soul will be restored, the place where I will not be in want. The place where I will truly change and grow in the ways I desire. The grass may look greener in the neighbouring pastures, but in my pasture it’s exactly as green as I need it to be.

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