Do you ever have one of those moments when time seems to freeze and all the possible choices are laid out before you? I often choose to do stupid things. I’m allowed a glimpse of the options and I choose the worst one. Whether big obvious sins like shoplifting or mocking the disabled, or little everyday things like choosing to ignore the list of chores that Anna has left me, or gossip about the latest minor annoyance a friend commits.

At the end of Psalm 19 David says this ‘Keep your servant also from wilful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression. May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heard be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.’

Wilful sins? Certainly I recognise these in my own life. Times when despite knowing better I choose to go against God’s way and instead choosing my own way. But if there are wilful sins then does that mean that there are sins we are unaware of? That we are so ingrained into the cultures and societies around us and our ways of doing things that we almost automatically sin just by living? Could we be that far removed from Eden?

Consider the clothes you are wearing or the food you eat – are you sure it was ethically sourced? Could there be items in your house that have prospered slavery? I’m not a forceful moral warrior but I can see that something’s gone badly wrong with the world when just living can cause others to suffer. So what do we do? I mean it’s hard enough to battle wilful sins, how do we stop unintentionally sinning too?

For me it’s all about discipline. I may not be directly responsible for slavery but I could make better choices in all spheres of my life that would lead to less sinning full stop, wilful and accidental.

Romans 12:1-2 ‘Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.’

I have a big gob. I often put my foot in it. When I was a teenager I worked, for a time, in Safeways. This time was characterised by complaints. One day I was on the till serving a member of staff who had just got off work. She noticed my WWJD band and asked about it, and I promptly explained. The elderly couple next in line seemed somewhat fidgety and were looking around quite a lot. After I had finished serving the member of staff they approached and I learned what their problem was.

‘Do you think it’s right’ started the old lady ‘that you spend all that time talking to a member of staff when there are customers waiting?’ Now let me state for the record that I hadn’t taken any longer than usual, our conversation had lasted the time it took me to scan her shopping and take her money, with that in mind, I retorted politely ‘Ma’am if you knew me you would know that I am a polite young man who talks to all my customers, because that’s just the way I am.’ At this reasonable reply the old lady’s husband made to storm off to customer services. ‘Leave it’ said the old lady ‘We have never had this before.’ To which I replied ‘Unfortunately I get it everyday.’ At which the old man promptly stormed off to complain.

I was speaking to a group of men about being disappointed with God and how within that, we can run our mouths off to Him and whoever will listen. Before we know it the reason for our disappointment starts to define us rather than being defined by our creator. Listen to Job after God reminds him of who his Creator is:

Job 40: 1-5: ‘The Lord said to Job: ‘Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let him who accuses God answer him!’ Then Job answered the Lord: ‘I am unworthy – how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer – twice, but I will say no more.’

Could we learn from Job – that once we have got our grievance, rant, point of view, or whatever it is out, once we have spoken, we will not speak it out again. But instead put our hands over our mouth – forcibly if needed. And the reason? So we don’t dwell in the pit of despair, but instead sit before God in reverence and awe, holding our hands over our mouths.

Recently, we were holidaying in Crete with another couple when we decided to hire a couple of mopeds. At the rental shop they asked us all if we had ridden a moped before. I said yes. (I lied). ‘How hard can it be I thought?’ I don’t want to appear like an English idiot I reasoned. So with Anna on the back, I turned the key and gunned the engine. Tearing out of the shop, taking the corner way too wide, I found myself on the wrong side of the road into on coming traffic.

Of course I immediately rectified that situation but when we came to the next corner the moped went wide again. I was puzzled, I had assumed the steering would be fairly light but I was having to actually wrestle this beast round the corners. We got back to our chalet safely, mainly due to the relatively straight roads once we were out of the town. Later on I went out for a bez on my own and found the steering much easier – maybe I was just getting use to it? This thought was dismissed the next time all four of us went out as once again the steering became unwieldy. I began to assume it was just the fact there was now two of us onboard. It wasn’t until two days later that Anna revealed that as we went round the corners she was actively leaning the opposite way to me, attempting to counter balance and in reality becoming the reason turning was so difficult. It was scarier for her to lean into the corners with me, but ultimately safer as we stayed on the correct side of the road.

I don’t know about you but I often feel like I am guilty of ‘counter balancing’ Jesus. I happily jump on His moped and go along for the ride, but when it comes to those corners I feel much safer leaning my own way and risking the on coming traffic than I do leaning His way and giving Him complete control.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ‘Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.’

One of the most disheartening reports from any war are injuries from friendly fire. Time and time again we hear about brothers in arms hurting and sometimes killing each other. In war it must be a horrible feeling to find out you have wounded one of your own team.

In many Churches, it is not so obvious.

The truth is that some of us spend so much time sniping at each other but because the wounds are not physical we feel little remorse. The desire to be right is far more appealing than the desire to be humble. Debates about doctrine draw us in to present our own opinion above all others, including the Bible. I wonder how much richer our lives would be if we invested that time in the promotion of the gospel of Christ rather than our own perverted gospels?

At the end of the day Christians are all on the same page, or at the very least the same book. Perhaps if we realised we all look out from that book in slightly different directions, and that that is something to be celebrated rather than feared, we could get on with our mission more effectively.

Galatians 6:10 “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”

When Jesus said that He ‘no longer calls us servants but friends’, he must have known He was in for trouble. He must have known that most of us would use this as an opportunity to do what we do best – thinking we know best. That most of us would treat Him as though He has actually said “I no longer call you servants but boss”.

We seem to have an uncanny knack of telling God how He should be, what He should do and who He is allowed to bless. We mastermind His every move and then wonder why things don’t turn out the way we expected.

And that’s the real rub isn’t it? Things not turning out how we expect. The world would be a much better place if things turned out that way I expected all the time. A much better place… for me at least.

Out of all the people who have walked this earth Jesus could have felt this way more than anyone. Fully God, fully human, yet fully committed to doing only what He saw the Father doing. Let’s remember we are the tools in God’s hands not the brains behind His plans.

“You are rubbish. Honestly you are a total idiot. No one else would waste so much as successfully as you do. No one else would use their time for such idiotic escapades. Who else do you know that abuses grace so profoundly as you? To be honest mate, why don’t you just jack it all in? You lack discipline and you’re probably never going to have enough to be good enough! Yes there’s always grace, but don’t you think you have pushed it a bit too far? How many times can someone like you be forgiven? Does God really forgive everything?! You’re not so sure are you? Why don’t you go out and spoil yourself – there’s a whole world out there to make you feel better – go for it kid. After all if you’re going to ruin everything you touch you may as well have fun doing it.”

This is why satan is called the accuser.

Revelation 12:10-11 (NIV)

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

“Do not be disheartened. Nobody is more sinful than anyone, but not everyone tries to follow Christ like you do. The fact that you try brings me great joy. Sometimes you need me to give you a nudge when you’re drifting off the path, but that’s how I show you I care about your adventure. You claim you don’t understand grace, but your life, your determination and your resilience tells a different story. It’s a story of me teaching you the ways of your saviour Jesus.

I was sent to remind you of the good when all you can see is the bad.

Do you realise what a privileged position you hold? At your best you reflect God’s light into the darkness, at your worst you are an example of God’s grace.

I know what has been said to you by the accuser. But listen to me. God really has forgiven you for everything. This forgiveness is free to those who believe and follow Jesus, the Way the Truth and the Life. I know what you’re thinking; what about the times when you find it too hard? Well, it’s those times that I am here to have the last word.”

This is why the Holy Spirit is called the comforter.

 John 14:15-18 AMP

“If you [really] love Me, you will keep (obey) My commands. And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever - The Spirit of Truth, Whom the world cannot receive (welcome, take to its heart), because it does not see Him or know and recognise Him. But you know and recognise Him, for He lives with you [constantly] and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans [comfortless, desolate, bereaved, forlorn, helpless]; I will come [back] to you.”

My friend. I want to tell you that the light inside you is stronger than the darkness that surrounds you. That if your every request would result in your happiness I would surely give them to you. If giving you your desires would be truly beneficial, you would have them all. But we both know that learning and changing takes time, and the journey is as important as the destination.

I want to answer all your questions, but if you are honest, most of them are smokescreens so you don’t have to answer my questions. What do you think will happen? Do you really think I will leave you? Give up on you? Walk out on you? Punish you?

My friend would I have gone to the cross if I didn’t believe I could save you, and in saving you bring you into life as it was created, by me coincidentally, to be? To understand grace you first have to know you need it. And because you need it, come and learn from it, because when everyone has given up on you, I am still standing here. I stand with a gift of grace with your name on it.

Yours Truly,

The Captain.

One day a man woke up and said to God “I want to do what you want me to do – show me what path to take and I will do it.” There was a knock at the door and the man ran downstairs eager to see what God’s response would be. He opened the door to find a parcel from Amazon. Gingerly, he picked it up, all the while thinking ‘Whatever is in this parcel is God’s plan for me!’ The end.

Only kidding. He sat down and opened the parcel and inside was a lantern. In the lantern there was space for one small tealight – it wasn’t even battery powered! Unperturbed, the man asked God what the meaning of all this was. “You wanted me to show you the path, I have given you something to light the way, now off you go” replied God. “Hang on!” said the man (Let’s call him Duncan) “It’s nighttime and I live in the middle of nowhere – not a street light in sight”. “Well that’s why I got you a lantern – don’t worry about the light going out I will sustain it myself.”

Duncan thought about this for a few minutes and then decided to go for it! Why not? He had God’s promise of a light to guide him! Duncan opened the door and stepped out into the pitch black, at which point his lantern began to glow. But there seemed to be something wrong with it – it’s light did not cast very far around Duncan at all – in fact he could only see a few steps ahead at a time. “Are you sure God?” Duncan asked “You’re on the right path Dunc just keeping walking forwards.”

Well it was slow going for Duncan, and as he got further and further along the path he began to become discouraged. “Stupid lantern” he thought to himself. If only I could see my destination, if only I could see that I was getting closer and closer to it. But this lantern doesn’t shine far enough – what were you thinking God?” Duncan heard a noise in front of him and raised the lantern to try and see what was there, but it was no use. Then a voice came from the darkness “What you got there boy? A lantern? Are you stupid or something? Wandering around in the darkness with a tiny little lantern. No no no. What you want is a torch. We got LED’s and everything these days.” “What’s an LED?” Duncan puzzled. “It means you can see where you are going boy, it’s bright alright – you’ll be moving along faster than you are with that thing. It just so happens I have a torch on me, I tell you what I’ll do you a trade. I’m somewhat familar with this darkness, I don’t have much use for light so I’ll swap you this torch for your lantern.” Duncan didn’t hesitate as he was fed up with the lantern and this new voice was offering him a deal too good to be true. Duncan took the torch and shone it into the darkness – it was brilliant! There in the distance Duncan could see some buildings at the end of the path. ‘That must be my destination’ he thought and set off at a faster pace. Unfortunately Duncan tripped over and fell in a deep hole.

Psalm 119:105: ‘Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.’

God promises to light our path highlighting any obstacles that come up, on the other hand, we often look to the future fantasising about what the final outcome of the paths we are on might be.

What does it mean for God’s word to be a lamp to your feet today? Where are your eyes focused? On the journey or what you think is the destination?

 

On Saturday’s CVM Men’s Day in Scarborough, Nick Welford modelled transparency, honesty and integrity in his final challenge. He had never shared this story before the event.

Sometimes things must come out into the light. When I was a young teenager I was at a church event. The family of one of the church members were visiting. I was hanging out with the other youth and a lad from this family walked by, he was about the same age as me. He was disabled, and as he walked one of his legs dragged behind him. Our group all stopped and stared. And when he was gone, I, in all my wisdom, did an impression of his walk. The whole group laughed, until we looked up and saw this lad standing at the end of the corridor watching us. My friends rounded on me and berated me.

I tell you this story for one reason – it still haunts me. Even though it was 20 years ago and the man writing this is totally different to the attention-seeking arrogant teenager, I still wake up feeling guilty and shameful. How can I call myself a Christian? How can God love me when I could do that? And as I deconstruct myself, more memories of my failings assault me. Times when I didn’t measure up, when I deliberately went against God.

Damien Rice sings a song called ‘I remember’ and in it is the line ‘God will forgive me but I whip myself!’ And that’s the rub isn’t it? God can forgive us but if we can’t forgive ourselves we will struggle with to persevere. In Romans 5 Paul says this: “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

When we can’t forgive ourselves we suffer but suffering can produce perseverance as long as we don’t dwell too long in the pit of suffering. Unfortunately that is a place many of us dwell.

Jesus tells us that we are the light of the world, and that we should not hide that light. When we wallow in self pity, shame and guilt we are effectively hiding our light. The fact is that the light is inside us is greater than the darkness that surrounds us – because that light is Jesus. The only person who can diminish the light inside us is ourselves! There is a quote in the film Night Watch that says this: “It is easier for a man to destroy the Light inside himself than to defeat the darkness all around him.” It is time for us to stop snuffing out the light and start the march on the darkness.

The prodigal son wasted his inheritance and ended up in a pig sty eating pig food. When we wallow in shame and self pity that is exactly where we end up, eating pig food oblivious to the fact that the Father is waiting to throw us a huge party.

I don’t know what wakes you up in the middle of the night and causes you guilt and shame, I don’t know how you have failed, but I do know that unless you use your suffering to persevere you will eat pig food for the rest of your life.

For more fellowship, encouragement and quality teaching, book yourself into The Gathering Here.

Love. Love. Love. All you need is love. If that’s the case why is it so hard for Christian men to say they love Jesus? I can understand a certain reticence to be too lovey dovey when trying to talk to non-Christian men about Jesus. I can understand focusing on different aspects of God for that. But Christian men? Christian men are often being told that they have been emasculated, that churches provide mainly for women and I wouldn’t argue with all this at all. But is there a case for reclaiming some words rather than trying to say them differently?

It seems to me that the love Jesus displayed was not a frilly, doily type of love but a love that drove Him to the cross. “Greater love has no-one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” said Jesus, and He should know. Jesus’ love caused Him to tell His friends that they showed little faith, to call one of them satan. His love caused Him to call out hypocrites, to upturn tables, to drive crowds into murderous bloodlust. His love drove Him to complete His mission by being tortured and nailed to a tree. His love was patient but it was also true, it was gentle but it was also fierce.

Maybe if we loved more like Jesus we wouldn’t have to convince people that it’s ok to love and be loved by Him. That’s the kind of love I can sign up to. John 15:12 ‘My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.’