It is often easy to stand alongside our brothers at a football match, or at the bar, or on a healthy hike. These are good “blokey” things to do. They feed our sense of worth, appeal to our desire to be seen to be “manly” – and they are good fun!

However, I wonder how we manage when standing alongside a guy means being with them when they go through tough times. It’s not so “manly” when men are asked to show compassion to one another.

Many of our guys here in the Mid-Northumberland Group are on the older side. At our breakfast yesterday we realised how some of them are frail and unwell. Just before the breakfast, I received a number of calls from guys unable to come. One was about to begin six months of chemotherapy; another had suffered a stroke and had become very frail; for another it was the anniversary of his wife’s death; and a few others were simply “under the weather”.

It’s easy to stand by a brother in celebration, in fun activities and when the sun is shining. How easy do we find it when sadness, illness or problems arise?

In The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, Carson McCullers writes “The most fatal thing a man can do is try to stand alone.” Turning this on its head you could say “The most life-giving thing a man can do is to stand by the lonely.”

Jesus was not slow to show his feelings or his support for those in need. Do we sometimes let being “a real guy” get in the way of our doing the same?

Our CVM Group in Mid-Northumberland is made up largely of older – and some quite elderly! – men, perhaps bucking the trend elsewhere in the UK. Sadly, this means that occasionally we have to inform the group that one of our number has died.

Fred Swainston, who passed away recently, was in at the beginning of our group in 2008 and, until his recent illness, was a virtual “ever present” at our Saturday get-togethers. He joined us on trips out and was my sole companion on a hike around Holy Island earlier this year. We had a special time that day, made all the more poignant now by his passing.

Fred was a quiet but caring family man – so quiet you would hardly notice him except when there was something to be done or some word of encouragement needed. Fred would be one of the first to be there in each instance.

I visited Fred regularly in the last few months before his death. Knowing that he was dying did not affect the peace of mind he had, the confidence he had in God and the certainty of his place in heaven through his Saviour Jesus Christ. Fred’s serenity and good nature during this time, despite his illness, was an inspiration.

At our Breakfast Meeting this morning, some of our “not-yet” Christian members, both old and young, were particularly moved when hearing about Fred. I guess that our older members may need the element of assurance Fred’s story brings and our younger members need Fred’s inspiration to lead a life at the end of which they can know the same peace of mind and confidence.

Having spent nine years working for Age Concern I feel just a little qualified to know something about growing older – and according to Age Concern you are an older man when you reach the age of 50! Now before you start complaining, I did not say OLD – I said OLDER! Older is a relative term used purely to distinguish you from someone who is younger.

Sadly, however, it was always hard to engage with older men. Even when events were specifically designed for them, very few seemed to attend. Does that say something about how independent we men like to think we are? How solitary? How self-assured?

This being said, it is interesting that our CVM group here in Northumberland attracts high numbers of older older men – repetition intended! Many of these men live alone and are less able to get out and about on their own. However, good friends and neighbours bring them along to our regular breakfast meetings and, although having led lives of independence, they are welcoming being included and are open to talk about spiritual matters.

I often wonder about the age profiles of other CVM groups around the country. Sometimes I get the impression that we are a ‘young guys’ movement, which is brilliant – reaching men in the younger bracket. But are we missing out on having a word to say and a message to deliver to older men? Men who may be considering more ‘end-of-life’ issues? Men who are still looking for what life – real life – has to offer.

After all, when Jesus said that he had come to bring life in all its fullness, I am sure he meant it to include those living in the fullness of years.